Contact
Subscribe
March 28, 2007 
Parse error: syntax error, unexpected ‘:’ in /home/joyominc/public_html/dougroyal/wp-content/plugins/exec-php/includes/runtime.php(42) : eval()’d code on line 1
No Comments
Doug Royal.com
A site about Doug Royal, his family, inventions, thoughts, and lack of thoughts
I overheard part of a conversation today. Two complete strangers, who had construction work in common, struck up a friendly conversation in a packed McDonald’s. Here is what they said:
Big Tough Guy #1
Where you from?
Big Tough Guy #2
Just moved in from Mountain Grove; tiny little town down south. Nothing to do there.
Big Tough Guy #1
I’d love to move as far out in the country as possible. I hate people. (scowling) Hate ‘em. Hate ‘em all. (scowling so intensely that the hair in his nose started to tremble).
Big Tough Guy #2
Me too. . . .You probably hate yourself too. (chuckle)
Big Tough Guy #1
Yep, I do! (They have a slap-you-on-the-back laughfest, while I try to pretend I’m not listening by looking at a newspaper.)
Why do Big Tough Guys insist on declaring they are extreme isolationists? Clearly these two enjoy people enough to make a friend out of a complete stranger. I’ve heard this “I hate people” routine for years, and I just don’t get it. People are tough sometimes, but most of the time they’re anywhere from good to great. Where does the fear come from? Maybe they have an “I’ll hate them before they hate me” attitude.
I have a 10 year old laptop that can’t handle X, so it boots into text-only mode. That’s why I started working with Vim. Now, I’m enrolled in College to finish my CS degree, so I’m glad I took the time to learn the basics of Vim.
UPDATE: My wife bought me O’Reilly’s Learning the vi and Vim editors for my birthday!
“”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”
” Environment ”
“”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”
“Display, or not display line numbers
set number
“Auto indents
set autoindent
“Smart Indents
set smartindent
“Turn off the annoying beep (so my wife doesn’t throw something at me)
set noerrorbells
“”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”
” Mapping ”
“”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”
“Save and Quit
map <F2> :wq<CR>
map! <silent> <F2> <Esc>:wq<CR>
“Save
map <F3> :w<CR>
map! <silent> <F3> <Esc>:w<CR>a
“Force Quit
map <F12> :q!<CR>
map! <silent> <F12> <Esc>:q!<CR>
“”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”
” Abbreviations ”
“”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”
ab teh the
ab Teh The
Here’s what a priest said to me yesterday during reconciliation:
“No one ever lives up to our expectations. Neither do we.”
I visited some of my students at their high school today, and since the weather was nice, most of them were sitting outside.
As I walked up to them, I had a real-time pseudoflashback; somehow the clumsiness from my teenage years remanifested itself at exactly the wrong time. A large important-looking stack of papers rested securely under a backpack which . . . I tripped over. I flew, the papers flew, but the students immediately went into hyper-cool mode; none of them moved, and they all played it off like they didn’t care at all about the hours of homework that just flew away. I did the dorkiest thing possible and tried to chase down as many papers as I could.
When the whole event was over, they had a healthy laugh at me, which I will assume means they like me (that kind of denial is what got me through high school).
I got home from work last night just in time to hear these words on the TV:
“God doesn’t make the decisions, Donald Trump makes the decisions . . . I’ve yet to see God sitting in the chair to his [Trump’s] right.”
I was shocked by not surprised.
When I was seven I put a whoopee cushion under one of the cushions on my couch. When our baby sitter sat on the sofa, she thought the BTttrruuup of the whoopee cushion was her pants ripping wide open. My brother and I died laughing and our poor babysitter sat their forever until we told her it was just whoopee cushion. Looking back on the situation, before I told her that her pants weren’t busted open, I should have raided the ice cream.
I was in a hurry last week trying to buy groceries, pay bills, etc. and I was really hungry, so I swung into McD’s for a burger . . . I shouldn’t have stopped there because my wife was making dinner, and this grocery trip was supposed to be the beginning of our more healthy diet, but I was really hungry and I had at least an hour’s worth of errands to finish.
After I ate my burger, I tried to start the car, but no luck. Busted. Now I have to call my wife at tell her about my burger detour.
I tried jumping the car; I tried cleaning off the battery terminal posts; and of course several employees were happy to help and give me tons of advice, such as: “Did you check the air in your tires?”
While I was slamming things around in my trunk looking for a wrench, I pushed the car and it rolled! That’s when I realized what was wrong. See, my car has this really bad feature where you can take the key out without putting it in park. . . . however the car won’t start unless it is in park.
So I called my team of wannabe-mechanics around me and proudly announced that I had fixed the problem. I closed the hood and the car started right up. Then, I quickly drove off before any of them could challenge me and discover what I the real problem had been . . . which was of course that I’m not always very bright.