Last week we visited family in Memphis, and since our kids usually fall asleep in the car, we thought we’d travel at night so the kids could sleep and we could enjoy a few hours of quiet time to talk . Unfortunately, the kids decided not to cooperate with our brilliant plan, and they stayed awake crying the entire time.
Tired kids are usually a nightmare. Add two tired parents and it might be wise to declare the home a disaster area and send in the National Guard. Unfortunately, America’s broke, so we needed a different solution.

How To Make A Kid Happy

There is one guaranteed way to end any conflict: Get everybody soaking wet (water-guns are my preferred tool, but we didn’t have any so we improvised). My Sister-in-law recommended Memphis’s Mud Island River Park.
The park is a model of the Mississippi river that starts just north of Cairo, Illinois and ends at the Gulf of Mexico. What makes the park great is, you can put the kids in bathing suits and they can wade down the model.

We started at the Kentucky Dam, where my son dropped a leaf in the water and then chased it down the river (when I say “a leaf” I mean a hand full of leaves, a few rocks, and a glob of mud). I was already impressed by the huge stone maps that represented the tributaries, and the way they represented contour lines by building the model out of layers of stone, but then we found Metropolis. Wherever the the Mississippi or it’s tributaries passes by a city, the model includes a street map and any bridges that cross the river.

A Whole City of Name-Droppers

If the City of Metropolis sounds familiar, the mayor of Metropolis would be pleased; The small Illinois city does everything it can to associate itself with Superman including building a 15 foot bronze statue of Superman outside their courthouse. (Don’t get too excited, I visited the statue about ten years ago, and although a 15 foot statue of superman is cool the town is kind of small and run down.)

The model of the Mississippi tries to match the actual shape of the river, so some areas are deep. I’m pretty sure my kids could have drown some places. And although drowning kids sucks, the accuracy of the model is sweet.
The model ends at the Gulf of Mexico and they even included Louisiana’s swamps. Awesome! The “delta” includes a water fountain, so if the kids didn’t get wet enough walking down the river they can get drenched here. Apparently there are even sharks in the delta–I was “attacked” by a 5 year old boy who mistook me for his father
Since America is broke, I should mention Mud Island Park is free. If you want to visit the museum or go on a swan ride, you have to pay for that, but after wading down the Mississippi, my kids were pooped, so we all went home and took a nice long nap. After every was rested we were all in better moods. And we agreed not to travel at night any more.

I’ve finally recovered from the near-fatal paper cut in my right eyeball.

Getting Hurt Helping Someone Else Get to the Emergency Room.
Last week I had my first Emergency Room visit as a parent (My son had a rash that started swelling pretty bad. His ankles were swollen so bad he couldn’t walk — he just sat down in the middle of the kitchen and cried. I was scared . . . I had images of his throat swelling so he couldn’t breath. Having a good imagination and being a parent is a bad combination.)

Everything turned out okay (apparently swollen ankles happens sometimes with hives). When we got home at 11:30pm I put the discharge papers in my mouth so I could get him out of the car seat. Of course, my car’s dome light just blew out (apparently that happens sometimes when you drive 13 year old cars), so everything was pitch black. Then a gust of wind blew the discharge papers into my face, and since I couldn’t see them flying into my eyeball I didn’t instinctively blink.

Are They Making Meet the Parents Part 3?
The pain in my eyeball radiated back into my brain, and I was incapacitated for almost 30 hours while my eye healed. After the pain was gone, my vision was still a little blurry. And of course, I had a final to study for (at this point, I felt like I was in a Ben Stiller movie).

When I needed to focus, I covered my right eye with my hand. I was worried my instructor might think I had written a cheat-sheet on my hand, but just like in a Ben Stiller movie, eventually things started going right, and I’m pretty sure I made an A on the final.

I don’t know when different language skills are supposed to develop, but I”m constantly amazed by my son. Lately he’s been using similes.

» He bit the front leg off an animal cracker and said, “It’s like a drill.”
» I blew a raspberry on his belly and he said, “It’s like a lawnmower.”
» He crumpled his napkin and said, “It’s like a shovel.”

Okay, I don’t know what that last one meant, but 2 out of 3 is pretty good for a 25 month old.

Lillian has started waving and clapping. She says something like “Hi Da Da.” Which sounds a lot like “Bye Da Da.” So that’s what she does every time I leave the house and every time I come home.

She’s also finally over her “I only love mommy” phase, so I get to play with her a lot more now.

I’m trying to mow my lawn with a criss-cross pattern like a baseball field

A well mowed baseball field

My Lawn

It’s been a month, but I can’t make the criss-cross pattern stick.

Today, I tried mowing the lawn twice, once in both directions, but the second mowing pretty much erased all the lines from the first mowing. I’m ashamed of my failure, but I’m not giving up; I’m off to Google to see if I can find anyone else who has successfully turned their backyard into a baseball field . . . I do happen to know a professional baseball field maintenance worker (Dave do you think you can get me some base-line chalk?)

I was away on a retreat this weekend, and when I got home, I discovered I missed two very important milestones in my children’s lives.

1) Lillian learned how to crawl.

2) Isaac learned that it’s funny to spray people with the water hose.

Our move was a little stressful, as all moves are. Here’s a picture of our new home.

We’re going to Notre Dame tonight to see my sister-in-law’s graduation. At 8pm we’ll get the kids in their car seats and let them sleep there. We’re hoping they trip will go more quickly if they’re asleep in the car. That does mean Gina and I will only get 4 hours of sleep each, but that’s about all we get to sleep anyway.

I’m not very good at sending “Thank You” cards to people when they give us presents, so I thought I would let Lillian say thanks for her birthday (literally. her actual day-of-birth) presents. . . and Isaac had a lot of fun helping Lillian open her presents.