Last week we visited family in Memphis, and since our kids usually fall asleep in the car, we thought we’d travel at night so the kids could sleep and we could enjoy a few hours of quiet time to talk . Unfortunately, the kids decided not to cooperate with our brilliant plan, and they stayed awake crying the entire time.
Tired kids are usually a nightmare. Add two tired parents and it might be wise to declare the home a disaster area and send in the National Guard. Unfortunately, America’s broke, so we needed a different solution.

How To Make A Kid Happy

There is one guaranteed way to end any conflict: Get everybody soaking wet (water-guns are my preferred tool, but we didn’t have any so we improvised). My Sister-in-law recommended Memphis’s Mud Island River Park.
The park is a model of the Mississippi river that starts just north of Cairo, Illinois and ends at the Gulf of Mexico. What makes the park great is, you can put the kids in bathing suits and they can wade down the model.

We started at the Kentucky Dam, where my son dropped a leaf in the water and then chased it down the river (when I say “a leaf” I mean a hand full of leaves, a few rocks, and a glob of mud). I was already impressed by the huge stone maps that represented the tributaries, and the way they represented contour lines by building the model out of layers of stone, but then we found Metropolis. Wherever the the Mississippi or it’s tributaries passes by a city, the model includes a street map and any bridges that cross the river.

A Whole City of Name-Droppers

If the City of Metropolis sounds familiar, the mayor of Metropolis would be pleased; The small Illinois city does everything it can to associate itself with Superman including building a 15 foot bronze statue of Superman outside their courthouse. (Don’t get too excited, I visited the statue about ten years ago, and although a 15 foot statue of superman is cool the town is kind of small and run down.)

The model of the Mississippi tries to match the actual shape of the river, so some areas are deep. I’m pretty sure my kids could have drown some places. And although drowning kids sucks, the accuracy of the model is sweet.
The model ends at the Gulf of Mexico and they even included Louisiana’s swamps. Awesome! The “delta” includes a water fountain, so if the kids didn’t get wet enough walking down the river they can get drenched here. Apparently there are even sharks in the delta–I was “attacked” by a 5 year old boy who mistook me for his father
Since America is broke, I should mention Mud Island Park is free. If you want to visit the museum or go on a swan ride, you have to pay for that, but after wading down the Mississippi, my kids were pooped, so we all went home and took a nice long nap. After every was rested we were all in better moods. And we agreed not to travel at night any more.

Laughter helps.

Last Friday, we decided that on Sunday we would go out with the in-laws for our Sunday Night Dinner. I was thrilled because Ci Ci’s is one of my favorite buffet pizza places. I looked forward to that meal all weekend. I went to bed dreaming about the pizza buffet, and woke up smelling pepperoni. I even tweeted about it.

Sunday evening finally arrived and I drove down Providence toward joy (pizza is synonymous with joy). At a stoplight, my enthusiasm bubbled over and I rolled down the window and shouted “I love pizza!” The cop in the car next to me gave me the evil eye. I rolled up my window, locked the door, and hunched down as if I were driving through the projects.

My wife pointed to the light, which had turned green. “We’re going to C.C’ Broilers, not Ci Ci’s Pizza.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

“C.C’s” sounds exactly like “Ci Ci’s”

My heart was heavier, and my wallet lighter.